It shouldn’t come as a surprise that pastors and church planters who start a ministry from scratch often experience loneliness that can be life impacting.

And it’s no secret to many in ministry that loneliness significantly can harm both physical and mental health. The World Health Organisation tells us that loneliness can reduce life expectancy and it’s estimated that worldwide it cause around 870,000 deaths a year costing society billions of dollars annually in terms of health care, education and employment.

Andrew Ranucci, speaking at the Exponential Australia 2026 National Conference warned of the very real dangers of loneliness and quoted Barbara Bradley Hagerty from her book Life Reimagined:

 “I once believed that having friends was a luxury. Now I know that losing friends can be lethal. Feeling lonely and isolated, no matter what your age, will shorten your life as much as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. It destroys your body as effectively as alcoholism. It is twice as lethal as obesity.”

In the US, the Barna group found that 65% of pastors reported feeling lonely or isolated frequently or sometimes, significantly up from 42% in 2015.

Two groups of pastors that experience particularly high levels of loneliness are women and church planters.

Women in Ministry

The loneliness problem is exacerbated for women. Baptist News Global comments that:

There is a lot of baggage ascribed to ministry pioneers, the people who are “firsts” in their roles and contexts as many clergywomen are. Because they are novelties, female pastors are likely to experience objectification, in which church members have trouble seeing past ministers’ femaleness…

 At the same time, clergywomen might not have many or any peers who can relate to these struggles. They might be the only woman around the ministerial association table, especially if they end up in the smaller, more rural settings that many male pastors turn down. In these circumstances clergywomen can feel utterly alone.

Missio Alliance comment that:

If ‘loneliness is the penalty of leadership,’ then female leadership is the loneliest experience of indictment in the church, frequently experienced as social isolation that has taken a professional and vocational toll on the church.

Church Planters

Church planters also frequently experience higher levels of loneliness. Following are some of the common factors that can contribute to loneliness amongst church planters:

Heavy Leadership Burdens

• Sole Responsibility: You carry the final weight for all choices and problems.
• Hidden Doubts: You stay strong for others and hide your own troubles and fears.

Social and Peer Gap

• No Equal Peers: You are the leader, so it is hard to find close friends within your own congregation.
• Old Ties Fade: You become disconnected form old friends.

Blurred Life Boundaries

• Constant Pull: Everyone wants your time, leaving little space for you and your family to rest and switch off.
• Fishbowl Family: Your spouse and kids feel the heavy public scrutiny and pressure.

The Myth of Perfection

• Fear of Failure: You feel forced to look successful, holy and sure at all times.
• Zero Safe Spaces: You fear that sharing your real struggles will harm the church.

Lack of Guided Support

• Distant Peers: You are isolated from others who share similar experiences and pressures.
• No Wise Mentor: You lack a guide to check on your heart and soul.

Overcoming the Pressures of Loneliness

Early in my ministry when it felt like Sharon and I were being crushed by the loneliness and burdens of ministry, a mentor directed me to the troubles Moses experienced in Numbers 11.

The chapter provided many insights for me that were life giving. And from reflecting on this chapter, I realised that I needed to find people who would help bear the burden of ministry. That’s very different to having people who offered to lend a hand by helping out.

There are a number of categories of people who will either help you bear the burden of ministry or even help by bearing some of the burden themselves. These include:

• People in your church who will serve by taking responsibility for an area.
• Friends outside of your church who will pray for you and check in regularly asking “how are you, really”.
• Elders or Board members in your church who see that their role includes being an Aaron or Hur (Exodus 17) to you to see your sustained in even the hard times.
• Peers who you can share your successes and your failures, troubles and pressures with, as they share theirs with you. Networks can be invaluable in providing this opportunity.
• Mentors or Pastoral Supervisors who you have scheduled catch ups with and who can go beyond the superficial with you.
• Our Father in heaven who implores us to cast our concerns upon Him.

Defeating the loneliness monster requires intentionality. The consequences are too damaging to ignore. Think about who you can position around you to help see the burden being made less onerous and to maintain or re-capture the joy of ministry.